10 tHiNgS i LeArNeD :)

Published on March 27, 2011 by Heather Perrin

So, last week Chris posted the 10 things he learned from our relationship over the last year and now it's my turn ^_^ I know I write more than he does...mostly because I write like I talk sooooo yea... and there are portions in this that he inserted a side note :P Here are the 10 things i have learned over the last year of my relationship 

 1) Communication is Key

                We always hear it said and can even agree that it’s a valid point, but you really can’t quite understand it fully until you’re actually in the relationship. Sometimes you’ll run into something you know has the potential to hurt the person you care most about, but it’s an issue that needs to be addressed. With our relationship Chris and I both have problems interrupting each other, especially when we’re discussing something we’re passionate about. Neither one of us likes being cut off, so we have to stop the entire conversation and address the main issue of interruption; since this is something I already know, I tend to feel really stupid when we have to address it again, but I know it’s good. 

2) Without genuine trust the relationship cannot function properly.

                Trust basically means that you have confidence or faith in someone or something. Why would you date or even consider dating someone you can’t trust?  Without trust there is a constant need for affirmation of faithfulness, which leads to suffocation of personal space- because you can’t ALWAYS be together. I know Chris and I trust him with all God has instilled in me to trust someone, therefore I don’t have to know his every move- this gives him more room to relax and be comfortable where he is.

3) Don't forget, as perfect as someone may seem, no one is perfect.

                Okay this is incredibly easy to forget, especially in relationships. It’s not something that needs a lot of explanation…it’s actually totally straight forward. You could be in complete awe at how perfect someone seems for you, but you HAVE to remember they will eventually falter. We’re human. It’s just what happens.

4) Never EVER walk away completely from an unresolved argument.

                Now, by “completely”, I mean you’re done and you never want to touch upon the subject again. Not solving a disagreement in your relationship is like scrapping your knee on asphalt and cleaning it afterwards; it’s going to become infected and hurt a lot more than it could have. Unresolved arguments cause problems in trust and communication- basically deteriorates the blocks you’re building your relationship on. Sometimes though you need to “take a breather”, before talking through it. I have to do this. Chris and I don’t really fight, but we do have disagreements that need to be talked through. I know I can be incredibly harsh with my words if I get too frustrated- therefore I need to walk away for a few minutes, sit alone and analyze the situation so I can address it in a calm manner.             

5) Let him be a gentleman.

                I had a serious problem with this when Chris and I first started dating. Since I grew up surrounded by guys and rough housing, the aspect of chivalry was completely foreign to me. Opening the door became a competition of who can get there first. Chris QUICKLY informed me that, that’s not how it’s supposed to work. Chivalry is part of being a man- it carries and expresses their respect towards women. Sooo girls: next time a guy walks in front of you to get the door… let him and make sure to thank him. And guys: Showing that you appreciate women doesn’t make you too soft and if your friends poke fun at you for doing it, then they’re tools and you should ignore them. That’s all I have to say to that. :P

6) When he compliments you, don't argue- The more you point out your flaws, the more noticeable they become.

                Sometimes girls will do this subconsciously… ladies it’s called fishing for compliments and it doesn’t help your self esteem if you have to pry compliments out of guys. If someone is truly complimenting you, they may not actually see the flaw you just pointed put, BUT now that you did… they see it. Sometimes the little things we don’t like about ourselves are things only we would notice because we have an ideal of perfection that we feel as though we need to meet. So basically compliments = good…just say thank you and know someone actually likes your shirt, hair, eyes, smile etc.

Side note from Chris: Sometimes there really isn't a flaw. Honestly. Girls, you have an amazing blessing of being hypercritical, but it's not good when you're always using that blessing against yourselves. Also, sometimes we straight up don't care that there's a flaw. For example, when I tell Heather that she's beautiful, I couldn't care less about the pimple that she says is on her forehead. Really. So... accept compliments graciously. But be wary of tools who will sweet talk you to get in your pants. You don't want that.

7) Don't lie. if something isn't "fine" then dont say it is. 

                Guys aren’t mind readers, they may be able to tell something isn’t right, but they’re most likely going to believe you if you say you’re “fine”… and then they’ll be incredibly confused when you get upset with them for not being considerate of your feelings. Trust me. I’ve been there a few times. It’s so much better just to say what’s wrong, even if it has to do with them.

Side note from Chris: Guys are a lot more dense than you think they are, especially when it comes to feelings. Sometimes we straight up don't notice things. So cut us some slack and let us know what's wrong. Oh! And if we notice something's wrong, and ask... TELL US WHAT IT IS! There's nothing more frustrating for a guy than for him to FINALLY notice that something's wrong and try to find out what it is, only to be refused. Then we're stuck because we know we'll get yelled at or whined at or get the cold shoulder because we're insensitive. Every guy wants to shout, "I ASKED YOU AND YOU WOULDN'T TELL ME!"... but that's insensitive.

8) Be comfortable and confident. 

                Comfortable to me means I can roll out of bed throw my hair in a messy bun, wear sweats and a t-shirt and feel perfectly fine in Chris’ presence. Figure it this way: as Christians, or actually just humans in general, we date with the intention of marrying that person- you want to be comfortable, at your worst, with that person because there’s a chance they’re going to see you at your worst anyways. And confidence… I’ve learned that if I go around trying to be like everyone else, then I’m not being the person I am. If someone is attracted to you for who you are, don’t try and change it to be “better”… more than likely to them, you’re already the best.

9) Support him as he leads.  

                It’s true that guys are made to be the leaders in relationships, however there comes a point where the leader falters and needs help. This is where their girl steps in. If your best friend slips next to you, would you help them back up or just walk away? The same thing applies to relationships… Chris has weeks where he just isn’t doing well (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and I would be neglecting my role as a woman of God if I were to just leave him to take care of himself. We are called to come along side the struggling and help lift them back to the position they were intended to be in.

10) Approach everything with Prayer.

                This is an aspect that is so easily looked over in most Christian relationships. I honestly can’t put into words how serious I am about this point. Chris and I do our best to approach every major decision in our relationship with prayer and seeking God’s guidance in our relationship. I probably wouldn’t have even been good friends with Chris, let alone date him, had it not been for the push I felt from God whenever I prayed for guidance in it.